dream out loud

So my month of daily blogging turned out to be a big failure. There are reasons (excuses) for it though. During the second week of July, Glen came to visit NY and we were always out from morning to night exploring the city and meeting up with my friends or parents. It was exhausting but a lot of fun. Immediately after, I went with him to Ontario and we didn’t have any internet, not to mention were busy morning to night anyway.

Now I’m back in NY. It was beautiful out today. I spent the morning with Jan and Simone in Union Square. I really miss all the buzz that happens in and around Union Square – the farmer’s market and various random things that are sold on the street. Then I went to lunch at one of my favorite spots, Alice’s Tea Cup. After lunch, I took a long walk home via Broadway and just soaked up the sights, sounds and smells. NY is such a special place. I hate be so gooey, but I just love it. It has everything for everyone and the people are so strange and beautiful.

I’m starting to feel terribly sad about leaving. I felt this last summer and didn’t realize it would feel the same way again. What’s worse is that when I left China, I said goodbye to lots of people I won’t see for a long time or maybe never again. Now I say goodbye to my friends and places here again. There isn’t really another way to describe it, except that I feel homesick. It’s a really nagging, painful type of homesick. But I don’t even know which I am really homesick for: US or China or both.

I don’t feel ready to go back to China. I’d like to be in NY for longer but I guess that’s not going to happen. At least when I return, I’ll be in a better position and know what to expect, have friends and be more settled. We were just talking about teachers going by school years as their life year, fiscal year, social year, etc, etc. If that’s the case, these are my “new year’s” resolutions for 09-10.

1. Be less negative.
2. Get to the gym.
3. Save money / spend less.
4. Cook more / eat more heathily.
5. Learn more Chinese (character recognition)
6. Keep in better touch with friends and family back home.

How’s that for lofty goals? We’ll see how it works out.

Well so much for daily blogging. I will not promise daily blogging in August as I return to China and will be traveling first with my family for two weeks, then Glen for one week before we need to be back at work on August 17th. I’ll update when I can. ’til then.

Today is a beautiful morning in Manhattan. I went out for a brief stroll by myself. I picked up coffee and a blueberry ginger muffin at Silver Moon Bakery (YAY!) and started to walk back to my apartment. One of my favorite things about New York City: conversations overheard on the street. Walking behind me was a mom with her daughter (upon turning around, I could see she was about 4, and way too old to be in a stroller) Here is what I heard…

Mom: We can start thinking about what toys you’d like to pack for the Dominican Republic.

Daughter: (starts listing off toys and dolls and dollhouse)

Mom: Well, we can’t pack the dollhouse. It’s too many things for vacation, sweetie. Maybe they sell some sort of a portable dollhouse.

Daughter: Yeah, because momma, you know what?

Mom: What, baby?

Daughter: Lara has one at her house and I want one.

(We stop here to cross the street)

Mom: Really? Is it very small? (makes the size with her hands) It’s small enough like to pack in a suitcase and we can take it on vacation?

Daughter: Uh-huh

Mom: Oh okay, we’ll look for it, we’ll have to buy you one.

At this point, the light changes and I dash across the street. No real need to hear what happens next. As I go up to my own little portable dollhouse, I think about this little girl owning a real dollhouse at home and her mom about to purchase her a vacation dollhouse. Much like many of the actual residences of people who live here. New York, I love you, but sometimes you just don’t make sense.

It’s a little surreal to have been in China for these past few months, then immediately upon returning, I see lots of media coverage about some ethnic unrest and violence over there. The area in reference is Xinjiang province, where I spent my most recent holiday. I loved meeting the Uighurs, Kazakhs, local Han. Everyone was kind to us, eager to show us their beloved home (except for a few who were only out to rip us off, but that can be said, anywhere, right?) I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over these past few months about how these groups can live along side one another, without actually co-existing. It’s another topic I’ve been meaning to spend more time thinking and writing about. I will likely never fully understand the ins and outs and history of this ethnic tension, but I’d definitely like to try.

But today, as I log into my blogspot account without a VPN, I am reminded by what it’s like to be in China among the of unrest. My friend Ryan (in Suzhou at the moment) writes about the good old Firewall being at work again.

I never claimed to know the solution for political unrest in China, but wouldn’t you think that citizens, especially young people, should be aware of their current events and surroundings? They say we learn from history, so maybe people should know about all the good and all the bad, and make their own decisions? Just a thought.

Clearly, my daily blogging caught another glitch. July 5th was stuck somewhere in transit. I woke up on July 5, 2009 in China. At about 12:30pm, I started traveling to the airport and boarded the flight at 5pm. Fourteen hours later, I landed in Toronto, where it was 7pm on July 5. And now, I’m in my parents’ house in New Jersey, where it is just after 12am on July 6. It doesn’t feel right to mess with the space-time continuum in this way. Bedtime now, and then when I wake up, I’ll figure out where I am and when it is.

Wow! I am really bad at keeping resolutions and goals. I can’t say I’ve ever admitted anything to the contrary. My blog-a-day starting July 1 didn’t happen. I guess I could rely on the old excuse of “it’s been busy at work.” Well, technically, this has been the busiest, most emotional week of the school year thus far but I can also say that I forgot about my goal.

So what did I say about keeping a diary as a kid and trying to “catch up” on missed entries? Okay, on July 1, Canada Day, I crashed a party. We played a Canadian trivia game, and my team won! More specifically, Glen won, two others helped and I just watched. I knew the answers to probably 5 questions, but I wasn’t the only one who those, so really, I was of no help whatsoever.

July 2: We had the elementary year-end concert. The kids in my grade sang an edited version of Mambo Number 5 (about subjects, not women) and they were great! At the end of the day, we had a party with two other classes. I thought I would not be sad, but many of the things parents said to me made me feel very bittersweet about the end of the year. At night, we had an end of year staff party. Lots of fun!

July 3: Only a half day, but the last day of school. It was so strange to say goodbye to some kids who I’ll likely never see again. To them, it was really nothing but the same goodbye they say to me on any other afternoon at 3:30.

Today is July 4, Independence Day back home. I completely forgot about it, it doesn’t feel like the 4th at all. But more importantly, today I am packing and cleaning up my apartment. Tomorrow my flight leaves Shanghai at 5:10pm. Off for three weeks in North America – which includes New York, New Jersey and Canada. Then back to China for some travel. Work begins on August 17.

See you on the flipside.