dream out loud

According to Wikipedia, Reverse Culture Shock (a.k.a. “Re-entry Shock”, or “own culture shock”) may take place — returning to one’s home culture after growing accustomed to a new one can produce the same effects as culture shock. This results from the psychosomatic and psychological consequences of the readjustment process to the primary culture. The affected person often finds this more surprising and difficult to deal with than the original culture shock.

I have only been home less than a week but I still feel like everything is in slow motion and all a big blur. Difficult to describe, but another web site lists:

• Restlessness, rootlessness
• Reverse homesickness-missing people and places from abroad
• Boredom, insecurity, uncertainty, confusion, frustration
• Need for excessive sleep
• Change in goals or priorities
• Feelings of alienation or withdrawal
• Negativity towards American behavior
• Feelings of resistance toward family and friends

And there I thought I was just jetlagged, but I’m feeling some or a combination of those things. Mainly I’ve noticed how I feel like I don’t belong anywhere, sort of homeless. One of the situations that is jarring these feelings further is that many of my friends have moved or are moving out of NYC. By the time I visit next summer, it will be completely different. A really funny thing that happened to me was that while shopping, I looked at a price tag in US dollars and mentally converted it into its RMB value!

Here is the plan, hope to see you!

In NY/NJ until about July 8 or 9
Arrive in Toronto
Fly to Newark on July 19.
Fly to Oakland on July 27
Fly to Guangzhou, China on July 31
Arrive in Guangzhou on August 2

Wow. Just had an experience that I cannot comprehend and just absolutely need to write down. Partly so I can remember this later and laugh, and partly to vent to other people.

Regular day coming home from work… not sure how many elementary school teachers you know, but most come home exhausted, particularly this late in the school year. Noise, report cards, cleaning up, packing, sorting, more noise. Anyway, I walk into my building and wait by the elevator with a few other people. One of them is a huffy white girl. By huffy, I mean huffy…. not only her body language, but the noises that were coming out of her too.

When the elevator doors open, there is a bit of a kerfuffle, a few people are getting with various amounts of baggage and everyone is trying to press the button of their floor under the arm of a woman who is so graciously holding the “door open” button so that everyone can get in. The white girl (sorry that that is the only word I have to describe her but it is a multi-layered connotation) shoves in and loudly says, “Can we at least get in?” I know that in her mind, no one understands her, because no one in China, speaks English, right? But seriously, lady, people all over the world understand tone, body language and many people do speak English. I have the benefit of “blending in.”

Everyone gets in, the doors close and she realizes she has forgotten to push her floor. So she physically pushes me, punches 10 hard and huffs again. Okay. I am a Chinese-American from New York. Do I stand for that?

I immediately turn around and say, firmly, “You don’t have to be rude.” I am looking her straight in the eyes and her mouth softly falls agape with a little bit of an “ugh.” I think this is what it means when people say that someone’s jaws literally dropped. I’m not sure if her shock was from me speaking American English, or from feeling aghast that someone would dare talk back to her. In the same huffy tone, she responds finally, “I just meant that we could all get in first.” Then the worst part, she made some kind of a motion with her hands at the other people, as if I might agree with her and be on her side. I said, “Well she was holding the door. That was the point.”

I can’t really remember her reaction, but there wasn’t much else for me to say, so I turned away. She is still muttering, “Whatever, I don’t really care anyway.” A few people get out and we all re-arrange to have more personal space. I simply say, “You don’t have to take your bad day out on everyone else.” She is silent. We arrive at her floor and she passive-aggressively whispers “bitch” on her way out the door. At the same time, I cheerfully say “Have a nice day.” And the doors close.

Really? Am I the bitch in this scenario? Hope she owns a good mirror at home.