dream out loud

According to Wikipedia, Reverse Culture Shock (a.k.a. “Re-entry Shock”, or “own culture shock”) may take place — returning to one’s home culture after growing accustomed to a new one can produce the same effects as culture shock. This results from the psychosomatic and psychological consequences of the readjustment process to the primary culture. The affected person often finds this more surprising and difficult to deal with than the original culture shock.

I have only been home less than a week but I still feel like everything is in slow motion and all a big blur. Difficult to describe, but another web site lists:

• Restlessness, rootlessness
• Reverse homesickness-missing people and places from abroad
• Boredom, insecurity, uncertainty, confusion, frustration
• Need for excessive sleep
• Change in goals or priorities
• Feelings of alienation or withdrawal
• Negativity towards American behavior
• Feelings of resistance toward family and friends

And there I thought I was just jetlagged, but I’m feeling some or a combination of those things. Mainly I’ve noticed how I feel like I don’t belong anywhere, sort of homeless. One of the situations that is jarring these feelings further is that many of my friends have moved or are moving out of NYC. By the time I visit next summer, it will be completely different. A really funny thing that happened to me was that while shopping, I looked at a price tag in US dollars and mentally converted it into its RMB value!

Here is the plan, hope to see you!

In NY/NJ until about July 8 or 9
Arrive in Toronto
Fly to Newark on July 19.
Fly to Oakland on July 27
Fly to Guangzhou, China on July 31
Arrive in Guangzhou on August 2

I recently found out about a web site, Spokeo.com and heard that it was compiling personal information from many sources, including widely used social networking sites. Always wary about hoaxes and urban legends, I was worried about visiting Spokeo and it being a hoax to collect personal information. So I quickly check Snopes.com and turns out it is true. It is basically a directory web site, like a souped up yellow pages.

I searched my name and I was associated with the address of an office building I used to work in. Pretty harmless, since I don’t work there anymore and have no connection with that address. Then I searched by email address. First I tried my default one that I use for any email list, promotional information, etc. Basically the one I don’t mind getting spammed at. Well, that sure was frightening. It knew my name, my ethnicity, approximate age, level of education, income bracket, interests, and much more which is not at my fingertips right now (because I blocked it from being publicly searchable, more on that later.) This is not at all surprising considering the fact that I used this email address to sign up for email newsletters, making purchases, etc. In fact, this is the very business I used to work in, I know how all the information was collected and how it was sold.

Next I searched on my personal email address that has been retired for about two years now. It had some information, not as personal as the other address and it was linked to my Amazon purchases. Last, I searched on my current personal address, which I don’t use with ANY commercial sources, only with friends. It didn’t come up with any information. You can also search for yourself by username, phone number of friends. Your phone number will tell someone where you live, but that’s no surprise.

With online shopping and social networking these days, not much of what we do is private. It’s kind of scary. All of this information is more relevant to people in the United States. But I highly recommend visiting this web site, searching for yourself and then following the link “Privacy” at the bottom of the page to block your information from being searchable.

When I was home this summer, everything was strangely familiar. It was a comforting feeling. No wonder a place is a called “home” for a reason. My parents’ house is pretty much the same, my friends are just the same, the streets look the same as I last saw them. The first time I left for China, I was heartbroken to leave my New York. My one and only home, I was so sad to leave it, and even made a list of things to do and see before I left. As I learned during my visit last summer, almost everything is still there, and I was reassured of that again this time.

So although I only had a few short weeks at home, I was not as afraid or sad as I was the first time. Especially since this time, I said goodbye to Suzhou, a place I will probably never live in again, but I know that New York is a place I can and will always return to.

I had always been eager to spend time working and living in China. I was sad to learn that Suzhou wasn’t the kind of place I was looking for. But what I was sad to leave behind were some incredible friendships and relationships there. Right now, I am facing another new adventure, I think of it as China: Chapter II. I am now living in Guangzhou. In a short time, I feel much more connected to Guangzhou than I ever felt in Suzhou. Maybe it’s the fact that my father’s family is from here, maybe it’s the fact that I know the dialect (Cantonese), maybe it’s the warmer Southern culture. I don’t know. In Guangzhou, I’m happy to wander the city, go to a nearby museum, hike up a mountain, go to a pretty impressive import store, or meander through Chinese medicine markets.

I feel at home. Whatever the reason for that feeling is, I’ll gladly add Guangzhou to the exclusive list that New York is on: Places I Call Home.

There are places I’ll remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain

All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends, I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life, I’ve loved them all

- The Beatles’ “In My Life”

I know that right now it’s still the middle of the summer for most of you. But believe it or not, I am heading back at this very moment. Yes, I am on a 4 hour layover. Granted, I have over a week of orientation, meetings, and set-up time, but we start school on August 11. So I realized it is yet that time again, time for me to decide my New (school) Year’s Resolutions for the school year of 2010-11.

First I’m going to have a quick refresher of what I decided to do last year

1. Be less negative.
I think that I have been…

2. Get to the gym.
I didn’t go very much at the beginning of the school year, then did a huge burst of it in the late middle of the year. But then when my membership expired (around May?) I decided not to renew because I was leaving Suzhou soon. I told myself I’d run outside in lieu of that but could never wake up early enough.

3. Save money / spend less.
I think I did. Finances are happy now.

4. Cook more / eat more healthily.
I tried and I believe I did pretty well. It’s easy to want to order in on a bad day. Overall, I think I cut down on restaurant food considerably.

5. Learn more Chinese (character recognition)
Unfortunately, I didn’t do a lot of studying and didn’t take lessons but I think I have improved a lot. Just noticing when I travel and need to read signs, and also the fact that I can read and reply to texts in Chinese. I will try to learn more – and now I also need to practice my Cantonese pronunciation. It’s in my head, just doesn’t come out of my mouth right!

6. Keep in better touch with friends and family back home.
I think this one was… FAIL! As a poor excuse, the firewalling of Facebook has caused me to drop off a lot of correspondence. It sometimes is just too busy to write email! I tried on the phone but people aren’t often free in the morning (best time given my time difference) My friends forget to check my Flickr and Blog, which is where most of the updates about me are.

So for this year….

1. Exercise – I have found that there are dance studios in GZ. Finally!
2. Consume less. This is both for the environment and to save money.
3. Continue to cook more / eat more healthily
4. Continue to learn more Chinese
5. Keep in better touch with friends and family back home
6. Write more and read more. I used to carry around a little notebook and jot things down. Similarly I always had a book to read during any kind of time spent commuting or waiting in line. I have forgotten to that in recent years in the interest of traveling light.