dream out loud

When I was home this summer, everything was strangely familiar. It was a comforting feeling. No wonder a place is a called “home” for a reason. My parents’ house is pretty much the same, my friends are just the same, the streets look the same as I last saw them. The first time I left for China, I was heartbroken to leave my New York. My one and only home, I was so sad to leave it, and even made a list of things to do and see before I left. As I learned during my visit last summer, almost everything is still there, and I was reassured of that again this time.

So although I only had a few short weeks at home, I was not as afraid or sad as I was the first time. Especially since this time, I said goodbye to Suzhou, a place I will probably never live in again, but I know that New York is a place I can and will always return to.

I had always been eager to spend time working and living in China. I was sad to learn that Suzhou wasn’t the kind of place I was looking for. But what I was sad to leave behind were some incredible friendships and relationships there. Right now, I am facing another new adventure, I think of it as China: Chapter II. I am now living in Guangzhou. In a short time, I feel much more connected to Guangzhou than I ever felt in Suzhou. Maybe it’s the fact that my father’s family is from here, maybe it’s the fact that I know the dialect (Cantonese), maybe it’s the warmer Southern culture. I don’t know. In Guangzhou, I’m happy to wander the city, go to a nearby museum, hike up a mountain, go to a pretty impressive import store, or meander through Chinese medicine markets.

I feel at home. Whatever the reason for that feeling is, I’ll gladly add Guangzhou to the exclusive list that New York is on: Places I Call Home.

There are places I’ll remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain

All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends, I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life, I’ve loved them all

- The Beatles’ “In My Life”

Recently I got tipped about a new web site which has a tool that analyzes a block of your text, then tells you which author you “write like.”

I don’t know who could pass up a chance to play around on this web site. I hop on over and first paste a block from a recent blog entry. I have to admit, I almost feel a little bit nervous as I click the big “Analyze” button. Something like the feeling you get when you hand a finished exam to a teacher and he or she gives it a once over while you’re still standing there. My first result? Margaret Atwood. I am quite pleased with this but always a supporter of a bigger sample size, I start to paste a few more paragraphs. I intentionally choose what I consider to be a few different styles.

Second try? Cory Doctorow. This was a blog about my “identity crisis” in China. I don’t know who this Cory Doctorow is but my friend Wikipedia offers a bit of insight. Hmm… okay, I’m alright with being similar to this guy.

Third try. Dan Brown. Aaaaghh… I run screaming.

Fourth try. Stephenie Meyer. I am as annoyed as a vampire who needs blood. Or something like that.

Thankfully, my next three pieces from my blog return Cory Doctorow. I am satisfied with that at first. Then, I realize that when I write to my blog, it’s kind of a casual tone which it sounds like Cory might. So I look for the only pieces of academic writing on my hard drive. The first paragraph of my Master’s thesis reminds this analyzer of Vladimir Nabokov. Shocking. My graduate school admissions essay? Jonathan Swift. A part of a huge curriculum project I wrote is like the writing of H. P. Lovecraft. This last one is particularly hilarious because the paragraph I used described the developmental age of eight year olds.

Were there any lessons learned from the 30 minutes I wasted fooled around on this web site? I would say… 1) I have multiple personality disorder, 2) I write like Cory Doctorow 3) My thesis might be as strange as Lolita 4) This web site doesn’t really work.

I love U2, I actually do. Ever since I was introduced by my cousin to some songs on U2′s War album, I remember liking “Sunday Bloody Sunday,” and have owned every album since. For whatever reason (too young, too poor, bad timing) I didn’t get to any of their shows. I did see them recorded later on though. That all changed in 2001 when I saw my first U2 concert. I actually saw several shows on that tour, and have seen at least one show on each subsequent tour.

When I moved to China, a new album was released, and lucky me, a friend was visiting me the week of the release, so I pre-ordered it on Amazon to her and she hand delivered it to me. A tour was announced, but sadly it was in the Fall of 2009, when I would be back in China teaching. But hooray, all of a sudden a new leg was announced: late Summer 2011 in Europe. So I bought tickets for Frankfurt, figuring that we could find a way to go. Then double hooray, a North American leg was added in early Summer 2011. So I bought Toronto and Meadowlands, NJ tickets, and decided to sell my Frankfurt tickets. (It later turned out that we are starting at a new school and couldn’t go to Germany at that date anyway) Everything was working out so well.

Bad news!! It’s announced that Bono has had to have emergency back surgery and ALL North American shows are postponed. I was disappointed, but glad to hear the shows were postponed and not canceled. The only glitch would be if they scheduled the shows to dates that I’d still be teaching in China next Spring. Friends even offered to buy my tickets if that’s the case, but I didn’t want to think about that. Well today they announced their dates – both shows I have tickets to will be in July – when I can definitely make it. I’m super excited!

The band even put up a nice video message to fans. I really appreciate their thoughts. I know that refunding all the money wouldn’t have been good for them so their best option was to re-schedule, but it can’t be easy to haul around their stage again for another few months and turn this into a three year tour. So, thanks U2.

From here, I am facing another new adventure, I think of it as China: Chapter II. I had always been eager to spend time working and living in China. I was sad to learn that Suzhou wasn’t the kind of place I was looking for. So I feel like I am going to go to Guangzhou with a fresh start. It’s true, it still might not be the place I’m looking for, but I’m determined to tap into some of the opportunities I wanted that didn’t exist in Suzhou. It will just take some self-reminders and initiative.

That said, I made some incredible friendships and relationships in Suzhou, which I had to sadly leave. I don’t think it’s possible to live in a place and totally throw it out of your memory and life when you leave. For me, anyway. But for everything that annoyed me about living in Suzhou, there is something or someone that I loved. In all parts of my life that I’ve moved on from, I don’t just leave friendships behind. So, this is not goodbye

Also, looking back, I can check off many of my goals for going to China in the first place. Pay off student debt, improve my Chinese, save money, travel, gain more teaching experience. Hopefully in Chapter II, I can extend on these goals and make new ones. Improve my Chinese further, save more money, chip away at my mortgage, gain more teaching experience, travel more, meet some native Chinese friends, and learn more about local culture and cooking.

… to be continued!

I arrived home on July 5, exactly one year since I was last here. Fortunately, the school calendar shifted a week earlier this year, and so we were finished a week before. In that extra week, we first flew to the San Francisco Bay Area, to visit my cousin, her husband, and adorable 21-month old daughter. After that, we flew to Ontario to visit half of Glen’s family. And now I’m home for another two weeks.