Posts Tagged ‘about me’

Chinese-Americans: A Different Species?

Thursday, April 22nd, 2010

I’ve written here and talked to friends at length (ad nauseum?) about my lack of identity, both in China and the US. In both countries, I’m often told that “You’re not really American” or “You’re not really Chinese.” Emphasis on ‘really.’

I’ve hoped to find others in my specific situation that could relate. It’s easy for people to say they understand… but really, they *can’t.* Earlier this month, I visited my cousin (also American) in Beijing, where she has lived on and off for the past few years. It felt strangely comforting to know that she also gets questioned at the gates of apartment complexes that are perceived as expat or expensive.

I learned last year that a childhood friend of mine had written and published a novel called A Thread of Sky about the Chinese American experience in China. It was just released this month and she is busy promoting it all over the US. I’m so eager to get my hands on it to see what she draws from her experiences living in China, and how they are similar to mine.

It probably won’t be until summer, when I get to North America, that I can buy the book. But I got a sneak peek into Deanna’s China experience in a recent essay she wrote for The Millions. She has always been a beautiful writer, but odd as it may sound, it was emotional to me. Reading about the questions we are asked by locals and expats alike, feelings of isolation, and seeking a sense of belonging felt so familiar.

In the beginning, it was humorous that people didn’t “get” me. It’s annoying now, even frustrating and insulting. Instead, I’m more often given a label by whomever is too lazy to try to understand. Or worse yet, challenged about what my true identity and culture is.

Deanna, I’m so proud of you. Can’t wait to read your book

Where are you from?

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

A while back, I wrote here about my supposed identity crisis as an American-born Chinese living in China. I’m feeling the effects of this “condition” of mine again lately. As with any classic problem, there are likely three reasons.

One of these reasons recurs every two years. I’m not sure if people who are second, third or even fourth generation feel this, but with each Olympics, I’m never sure where my allegiances lie. So here we are again, with the Vancouver games. I am always happy about the medals that both the US and China take home. But if it came down to a clear cut US vs. China game in something, I’m not sure who I’d cheer for. Some might find it strange that I’d feel conflicted about who to cheer for since I’ve never lived in China before now. I’ll tell you this though, my parents have always been on Team China’s side. They also read Chinese language newspapers and watch CCTV news. So perhaps that’s been ingrained in me.

Another reason has come up the more I travel around Asia. So far, in each Asian country I have traveled to, someone or a few people attempt to speak the local language to me. These are countries where my similarity in appearance to the locals range from “maybe” to “nothing close.” These are Vietnam, Cambodia, Malaysia, Thailand, Indonesia. I’ll let you be the judge and I won’t be offended. I wonder if Caucasians run into the same issue when traveling around Europe? The skin color and language thing are just funny at this point, I’m not too worried about it. But the most complicated conversations come about when I apologize that I don’t speak the language. The question which of course follows is, “Where are you from?” I explain that I’m Chinese but was born in the US, but am now living in China. This is usually VERY confusing for people.

My last cause for renewed identity crisis, which is the most important, are the current ongoing Chinese holidays. Back at Thanksgiving, I said that it wasn’t the same while away from home. I did realize that where ever I go, I’ll find the equally solid friendships and “adopted” family. For me, that is enough for Thanksgiving. So why is that spending Chinese New Year in China, Singapore and Malaysia still felt different for me? Despite duilian going up on every doorway around me, lanterns, fireworks and firecrackers, it didn’t feel like Chinese New Year to me.

I think that maybe, to me, Chinese New Year is deeply connected to family and traditions. Without it, I feel a little bit lost. I miss leaving my grandparents’ house smelling of incense and food and arms full of containers of leftovers. I miss the dim sum the next morning and 12-course banquets. I miss the weird dishes named after superstitious sayings. I miss nian gao stuck to the roof of my mouth. And oddly enough, I miss New York Chinatown. At the end of Chinese New Year is Yuan Xiao Jie, a lantern festival. Like any other Chinese holiday, there is a food attached – tong yuan – a sticky white rice flour ball stuffed with anything from peanuts to red bean paste. It’s served like a mochi or boiled in one kind or another of dessert soup. Yep, you know it, I miss that too. Also, the day after Yuan Xiao Jie is my mom’s birthday on the Lunar calendar. That’s the birthday we celebrate with her each year. That said, if Chinese holidays are so deeply connected to family and traditions for me, then does that make me less Chinese at heart? Or more?

Happy Thanksgiving

Sunday, November 29th, 2009

Today is the end of Thanksgiving weekend back home. While my family and friends are preparing for all the craziness that ensues, (travel, family gatherings, cooking, cleaning, eating, shopping, etc, etc, etc…) I was thinking that Thanksgiving is not the same when you’re away from home.

After the past few days, I realized that while I’m living abroad, the details of the Thanksgiving experience are different, the meaning remains the same. We had a fantastic dinner on Thursday with the school community – other teachers, their children, students and their families. I visited the orphanage, had dinner with “adopted” family, and lunch with other “adopted” family members. So while my weekend lacked the Macy’s parade, shopping and football that I never watch, it was still full of friendship, food and reminders of what to be thankful for.

This year, I’m thankful for..

  • The health and happiness of my family and friends who are far away.
  • The presence of my pseudo-family in China.
  • My quirky but never un-interesting class of second graders.
  • The END of student loan debt.
  • Being able to travel.
  • Warmth, health and new cribs for the babies at the orphanage.
  • Opportunity to receive the H1N1 vaccine when it’s in super high demand back home.

This is just off the top of my head and I’m sure there’s a lot more, most of which is a given. What are you thankful for?

Another oldie…

Sunday, November 22nd, 2009

This is from the height of my career-changing-confusion days. Dated April 2001.

“Virgo: If change doesn’t seem to be on the horizon, don’t worry – just wait and it will come. Often we resist change, saying, ‘Things are just fine as they are, thank you.’ To this, Saturn just laughs. Saturn’s job is to make you more mature, so there’s no way you are going to get off the hook, even if you want to. Saturn works slowly and gradually. As a rule, it doesn’t inflict responsibility – it asks you to sign up for it. Thus, you will ASK for whatever is on its way, and wisely, ACCEPT it when it arrives. It could truly be a grand opportunity with much room for growth. Don’t worry so much, Virgo.”

I think about what this means as I turn off my computer. At the end of each month, I read my horoscope on a certain web site for the coming month’s forecast. My roommates and I swear by this astrologer: she’s always right on target and has predicted many events in our lives. I look over at the digital clock on my desk as my computer screen fades away. 7:40pm. I decide that it’s too late to do anything substantial with my evening. On nights that I don’t plan things with friends, I usually waste away the last few hours of the day on something mind numbing but satisfying in a lazy way, like watching television or scribbling things in my notebook.

Another end to another intolerable day at the office. I gather my belongings, get in the elevator and take it to the lobby. When I arrive there, I see that three out of four entrances to the building are locked and the only door we can still exit from has two security guards standing by. This is what happens after 7pm each night. Recently, I have been saying good night to the same guards too often, a clear indication that I am working too late.

Ugh, it’s raining again. Passing the same café that I pass every day on the way out of the building, I catch a glimpse of my reflection. I make a face – I don’t like what I see and continue walking. Secretly, I’ve hated my job for about eight months now. That’s an extremely long time considering how much I used to be devoted to it. This is my first job out of college. I remember at the end of the summer after graduation, I was ready for this new phase in my life – beginning a career. Even though I didn’t really know what that meant. After my first few weeks, I was in love. The work was engaging, the people were so kind and generous to me and I had great perks. All of them were young and cool and in places in their lives that I wanted to be. When talking with others my age, they would comment that I’m one of the few in my age group that seems to enjoy his or her job. I got a thrill from knowing that they were able to deduce such a conclusion without ever hearing me say the words “I love my job.”

It’s crowded on the subway as it typically is on rainy days. I cram in with everyone else until we’re all standing perfectly straight and holding our breath, as if we’re a can of sardines. Even still, no one looks at one another, as if afraid to connect. Some people push me to make more room and I have no energy to truly express how annoyed I am. Annoyed with people pushing me when there’s no where to go, annoyed with the lack of growth in my job, annoyed that I work so late each evening that I have no personal downtime. When did this feeling begin, anyway? I guess it began with my one-year performance review. I was supposed to get a good raise and promotion – it was somewhat implied by my managers. Ultimately, I didn’t and I began to resent them. I was outraged: I worked 11-hour days and had nothing to show for it. Although I did get verbal praise on my accomplishments, I wasn’t rewarded for my efforts. My perspective on everything soured – the work became boring, the people seemed fake to me and the value of the perks were waning. Plus, frustrating incidents have been adding up. Like today, Jon came over to my desk to inform me that I should be more “specific” when sending programming requests to him. The only reason he brought this up because he let something I requested fall to the wayside and forgot to do it for two weeks. So he had to think quickly and cover himself, shift blame. I described his conversation with me to Heather and we had a good laugh over it.

I’ve been looking for a new job since the end of last year. I did get two job offers but I turned both down. In a sense, I was afraid to leave my first job. There are some days, like today, that I wonder if I made a mistake not accepting one of those offers. There’s no sweeter revenge than walking out on people who won’t give you what you need and what they promised. Yes, I’ll admit that sometimes I’m spiteful. But only sometimes.

The subway screeches to a halt and masses of people pour out of the train car. I weave my way out of that mess and start up the stairs. A man coming down leans in and says “Bitch.” He’s gone before I can say anything or even get a good look at his face. Perfect, just perfect, I think to myself. What else is going to go wrong today? I didn’t do a single thing to anyone and he tries to instigate something. He’s lucky he got away so quickly. I’m in a fighting mood today. I laugh, picturing myself drop-kick him. I begin walking briskly from the subway station to my apartment, carefully sidestepping the puddles. I don’t know why there are always so many.

When I reach my block, I see a guy walking a few feet in front of me. He turns for a moment and looks at me. I recognize him as living in my building, and sure enough, he heads into my building. By the time I arrive at the door, he’s holding it open for me.

“Thank you,” I say as I fold up my umbrella and walk through the doorway.

“You’re welcome.”

I unlock my mailbox to pick up the letters and advertising for the day. As I wait for the elevator, I look through the pile to see if there’s anything of interest. Cable bill, phone bill, my roommate’s dentist appointment reminder, and a thick envelope of coupons. Nope, nothing interesting. The guy who held the door for me is waiting as well and he looks up, looks down, as if looking for words to say. Finally after many awkward seconds, he says, “I wonder if it’s going to clear up tomorrow.”

“ I hope so,” I reply and laugh.

Silence again. So I pitch in with, “It’s no where near as bad as yesterday though.”

“Oh yeah, I know. Yesterday was really bad.”

The elevator door opens. He gestures for me to go first.

“Thanks.” I walk in and I notice that his hands are full with bags of groceries so I ask him which floor.

“Four,” he replies.

“Oh perfect.” I smile.

“You too, right?”

“Yes,” I say, as I press 4, somewhat surprised that he knew.

“So where do you live?”

“Oh, we’re in E.”

“Oh so on the other side of the building,” he says, leaning his head to the right.

“Yup, first apartment on that side. How about you?”

“Oh, I’m in A. Right out of the elevator.”

The elevator door opens, loudly. This time I let him go first.

He stops just outside the elevator. “This is me.”

“See you later,” I say and begin walking to my apartment, in the other direction from him.

“What’s your name?” he shouts out and I turn around. I begin walking back towards him. I introduce myself and he offers his hand. “Keith,” he says.

“It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.”

I begin walking away, sideways. “So maybe I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, see you around.”

I walk back towards my door and unlock it. As I enter, I let my bag and umbrella fall to the floor and I wonder if it will clear up tomorrow.

My Carbon Footprint

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

I love to travel. For me, 2009 has been a stellar year for travel. As I plan my next trip, I think back on and feel guilty of taking many flights this year. My carbon footprint is huge, so I’m doing what I can to offset it. These flights would have flown without me; at least I recycle and turn off lights and appliances when I go out.

With shame, I present to you – My Flights in 2009 (thus far)

January: Siem Reap back to China – with a connection (1, 2)
February: Shanghai to Shenzhen – a visit to HK (3)
Shenzhen to Shanghai (4)
Shanghai to NYC – connection in Chicago (5, 6)
April: Shanghai to Qingdao, R/T (7, 8 )
May: Shanghai to Urumqi (9)
Urumqi to Kashgar (10)
* we took a bus here! *
Urumqi to Shanghai (11)
July: Shanghai to Toronto (12)
Toronto to Newark (13)
Newark to Toronto (14)
Toronto to Newark (15)
Newark to Shanghai (16)
August: Shanghai to Xian (17)
Xian to Taiyuan (18)
Taiyuan to Chengdu (19)
Chongqing to Shanghai (20)
October: Wuxi to Kunming R/T (21, 22)
Dali to Xishuangbanna (23)
Xishuangbanna to Kunming (24)

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