dream out loud

From here, I am facing another new adventure, I think of it as China: Chapter II. I had always been eager to spend time working and living in China. I was sad to learn that Suzhou wasn’t the kind of place I was looking for. So I feel like I am going to go to Guangzhou with a fresh start. It’s true, it still might not be the place I’m looking for, but I’m determined to tap into some of the opportunities I wanted that didn’t exist in Suzhou. It will just take some self-reminders and initiative.

That said, I made some incredible friendships and relationships in Suzhou, which I had to sadly leave. I don’t think it’s possible to live in a place and totally throw it out of your memory and life when you leave. For me, anyway. But for everything that annoyed me about living in Suzhou, there is something or someone that I loved. In all parts of my life that I’ve moved on from, I don’t just leave friendships behind. So, this is not goodbye

Also, looking back, I can check off many of my goals for going to China in the first place. Pay off student debt, improve my Chinese, save money, travel, gain more teaching experience. Hopefully in Chapter II, I can extend on these goals and make new ones. Improve my Chinese further, save more money, chip away at my mortgage, gain more teaching experience, travel more, meet some native Chinese friends, and learn more about local culture and cooking.

… to be continued!

One of the things that I like about living in China is that I’m, for the most part, sheltered from media opinions about entertainment. I don’t know who the Golden Globe nominations and winners are until I’ve looked it up online. I don’t know who the latest “It” girls and guys are or what “Must See TV” is anymore. I guess this means my information is opt-in, rather than in-your-face-all-the-time.” Back home, it was impossible to *not* know these things, it was on the newsstands when you were grocery shopping, heard about while you were in line or on the subway, in every commercial break during your favorite shows.

So going into Avatar, I knew only a few things: it was a James Cameron creation, it used CGI, it cost a lot of money, but was also making a lot of money back home. I read not a single review. This is not to say that this information already came with a lot of baggage. Now, James Cameron has some excellent work (The Abyss) and he has what I might refer to as “in-between” work, such as Rambo, Terminator, and Aliens. They are “good” as an entity but when you stop and think about it, I don’t think anyone would say they have particularly good dialogue, character or plot development. Last but not least, there was that behemoth film Titanic. It was beautiful to look at, but in the end, really just a waste of three hours.

Well, going back to Avatar. It was somewhere in the middle of all these films. Beautiful, and dazzling special effects like Titanic. A bit more plot, but not as much as The Abyss. There were some thinly veiled allegories to political situations, but nonetheless appreciated. But similar to all the other blockbusters, a clear villain and a clear good guy. Like always, the villain is unrelentingly bad, with no positive traits. Meanwhile, the good are without fault and you cry on the inside when they get hurt.

In these cases, I have learned to suspend my perception of reality. It’s the only way to enjoy these characters and movies. When you think too much about the plot and the characters, then you’ll find flaws and weaknesses. So my advice? Sit back, relax, put on the 3D glasses, and enjoy!

It was recently decided by the CDC that the H1N1 vaccination, which is in limited supply, would be made available to graduating students at local and private schools. In our school, it was also made available to local staff and teachers on an optional basis.

We were only informed of this with a few days to decide. I was really on the fence about making this decision. I have never once had the regular flu shot, and have not ever gotten the flu. Not even in the past several years of working in an elementary school. One winter, when I was the most ill I have ever gotten, my doctor said that it was some kind of virus going around that season which the recent flu shot didn’t even include.

I asked around for opinions, which ran the whole gamut. Most people didn’t want disease in their body, several people didn’t want anything Chinese-developed, and other swore that they just never get sick. The doctor here told me that it is safe and she herself had taken it.

In the end, I decided to have it. So one deep breath and in went the needle. I feel fine so far, even though we were asked to be observed for 40 minutes. More importantly, I feel quite lucky to be receiving it, especially when I hear about people waiting in line for hours to get the vaccination.

How did I end up deciding? First off, on Saturday I went into to see my doctor for a bit of the regular cold. She told me the vaccination has been known to be safe so far, and that all the doctors and staff at the clinic have had it. There’s been a lot of talk about social responsibility – getting vaccinated so that you can’t pass the germ on to someone else. Well, I’m not sure how socially responsible I am being if I am taking the vaccination away from someone else who might need it more, since it is in limited supply. But considering the above reasons NOT to – I realized several things. I can still get the germ without exhibiting symptoms, the vaccination was developed by the same people who developed a vaccination for SARS, it is being exported to other countries, and lastly, I am not invincible. No matter how much I want to be.

Recently, a new restaurant in our neighborhood invited teachers from our school to an opening night dinner. The name of this new restaurant? Chairman Mao. When an email went out about the dinner, the name lent itself to several an inappropriate joke. Out of morbid curiosity and following the crowd, many of us decided to go.

As soon as I stepped into this place, I felt uncomfortable. The decor just felt too authentic, for lack of a better word. The wait staff was dressed in Communist Revolution era military uniforms. Walls were covered in murals of Communist propaganda. Strange does not begin to describe the ambiance. It felt like we had gone through a time machine. Turns out the food and service at this place are quite good, but I can’t bring myself to go back here again. Lots of people found the kitschy decor cool, but I can’t rationalize using such a person and period of history as entertainment value.

Shortly thereafter, a very similar restaurant opened up. It also has wait staff dressed in Communist military uniforms. The entire restaurant is glass and visible from the outside, so I know there are plenty of portraits of men all over. Presumably, they are different influential people in the Chinese Communist Party. These two restaurants are only an addition to what already exists in what I’ll coin another CCP – Communist Consumer Products. What about the T-shirts, messenger bags, watches, dishes, posters, etc, etc, that have Mao’s likeness on them? Non-Chinese people purchase them for kitsch value, while some Chinese people purchase them for actual idolization of Mao. Really? This is a man who some historians believe has killed more people than Hitler or Stalin. I certainly will not easily forget that he is the direct cause of why my mom’s family had to abandon their homes and jobs for safety.

Last I checked, it is the year 2009. In 2009, many important milestones have been reached in the battle supporting or protesting Communism. This past June marked the 20th anniversary of the events at Tiananmen Square. This still remains a topic which is not spoken about. And now, today (or maybe tomorrow depending on the time zone) marks the 20th anniversary of when the Berlin Wall fell.

October marked the 60th anniversary of the Chinese Communist Party. It should also be noted that 60 is a special anniversary, birthday, etc in Chinese culture. On October 1st, there was a parade and day-long celebrations to commemorate this. It basically shut down all of Beijing, another city that never sleeps. Seeing those celebrations in comparison to the memory of events from 1989, makes it feel like: one step forward, two steps back…

I sometimes say that at times I forget China is still a communist country. Certainly, it’s easy to forget in my day-to-day living. But occurrences like the opening of these restaurants, the firewalling of harmless web sites, speeches at a parade that commemorate Mao, and the fact that local children aren’t allowed to attend the international school where I teach – are a clear and present reminder.

My friend Natasha’s father, a wonderful writer named Serge Schmemann, has a beautiful article in yesterday’s International Herald Tribune, “A Fateful Day, and the East Tasted Freedom.” He recounts his experience as one of the first journalists on the scene and what it was like to witness the exhilaration of new-found freedom. With all my heart, I hope China can find it. And I hope it doesn’t take another 20 years.

I was doing so well at the blogging and updates! But now, I’m back in China. This is an intermediary update on why there have been so few updates to the blog, Flickr, or Facebook. The internet has been incredibly slow, far slower than I remember. One night, I started loading a web site, went to take a shower, came back and it was still not complete yet.

Taking the information local-side-streets is only part of the problem. The other reason for my lack of updates is the… how shall we say? Road blocks and dead ends? That’s right, the Great Firewall of China is at work again. While I was in the US, friends and family in China told me about all the sites added to the blocked list. I got a little spoiled with the fast and uncensored wireless access back home. Now I’m frustratingly annoyed with the need for a proxy server. (Which doesn’t always work, anyway.)

A mini-update for now… perhaps I will be able to elaborate on any part of it later.

July 28 Returned to China with parents, met with my aunt and cousin in Shanghai.

July 29 Saw Glen for one day when he got to Shanghai.

July 30 Returned to Suzhou with family. Sightseeing for a few days, including dinner with Ryan and Maggie.

August 2 Began traveling in China with family to Xian, Taiyuan, Pingyao.

August 8 Met Glen in Chengdu. Ate spicy food and saw pandas. Continued on to Leshan, Emei Shan, Chongqing.

August 16 Returned to Suzhou. Flight was delayed so got home at 10:30pm.

August 17 Went back to work! Set up classroom and had meetings all week.

August 22 Went to work to meet families (Saturday morning, mind you.) Went out with friends at night for my birthday.

August 24 Birthday! And first day of school.